When you’re a mom, your time already feels stretched thin. Add in a chronic illness, and it can feel downright impossible to find the balance between caring for your family and taking care of yourself. But over the years, I’ve learned that self-care isn’t optional – it’s survival.

I’ve never been the mom who volunteers at school. I knew my body wouldn’t allow it, and instead of pushing myself past my limits, I found ways to be present with my boys that worked for us. When they were little, under 4 and 5 years old, and their dad was still alive, I used to bring out this big arts and crafts box once or twice a month. We’d spread everything out and do projects together. Those were some of my favorite memories.

Back then, I was working outside of the house, but once they were about 3 and 4, I became a stay-at-home mom. And I poured everything I had into those years. I taught them their colors, letters, address, phone number – you name it. We made trips to the park, the library, and the public pool. When I got too tired to keep up, I’d lie down on the floor and let them climb on me like a jungle gym. I didn’t want to just sit on the couch and watch from a distance. I wanted to be with them, even if my energy was running low.

When their biological father passed away in a car accident, I was suddenly doing it all on my own. But I still gave them as much attention as I possibly could. Then Nathan came into our lives, and over time, we became a family. A real, strong, loving family. And I still made time for all of them, often forgetting to take any time for myself.

Chronic illness forces you to slow down – but it also gives you clarity. I started realizing that the best way I could love my family was by caring for myself. That meant listening to my body. Saying no. Letting go of guilt when the laundry wasn’t done or when I had to cancel plans.

Now, our boys are grown, but those years shaped who they are. They learned early on that love isn’t always loud or busy – it can be quiet, intentional, and steady. And Nathan – he’s been my rock through it all. He knows when I’m pushing too hard, and he steps in without me having to say a word. He’s seen the worst of my health and never once made me feel like a burden. He just stays. That kind of love is rare, and I don’t take it for granted.

Living with chronic illness has taught our family to slow down and cherish the little things. We’ve missed events. We’ve had to change plans. But we’ve never lost sight of what matters most – being present with one another.

So to the moms out there feeling torn between their families and their bodies – please know that resting isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. And taking care of yourself is one of the most powerful ways to take care of them, too.